For those of you who have been reading my blog for a little while now, you know that I went through a breakup a few months ago. For those of you who do not know about this particular time of my life, you have some reading to catch up on. Over three months have passed and some of the feelings have started to settle in while others haven’t. Over the labour day long weekend, I had a bit too much time to think and it compelled me to write this blog post.
While I have been through multiple heart breaks in my life, none had truly felt the way this one had. Of course, one could argue that every heartbreak is painful and feels like no other. Each of them feels like the very first and the very last at the same time. Although, it had been a while since I’ve heard the retellings of fairy tales, I let myself believe that I finally had a chance at a fairy tale ending. That I had found the one person with whom I would spend the rest of my life, building a future and a family together. Of course, this was not meant to be. At first, I felt so angry and betrayed. I felt like I had been lied to for two years of my life. I had finally started believing that someone could love me for who I am, flaws and all (and believe me, I know that there are lots of flaws attached to this particular package).
A quarter of a year later, the anger has disappeared and the betrayal has subsided. I try to keep myself busy and to enjoy the weather and the company of friends but the moment when I have a bit too much time to think, there is this sense of longing and loneliness that always creeps up on me. Of course, feeling this much self pity does make me sound like a millennial. Afterall, I am in fairly good health, I live a good life, I have wonderful friends to confide in and I’ve had a few wonderful dates in the recent months. I am well aware of the fact that there are plenty of fish in the sea and that the chances of me finding someone is fairly high. However, there is this little part of me that wonders if I would ever have the same thing as I did in my previous relationship.
Rest assured, this is not the downward spiral of Didier. I will not wake up tomorrow morning and pull a Britney (although I did briefly consider shaving my hair for practical reasons). I know that although things feel dire at the moment, I will end up feeling better. Just like one of my favourite literary heroines said, “Afterall, Tomorrow is Another Day”.
OUTFIT DETAILS: Whole outfit by H&M AW Studio 2017/ Shoes by Gucci/ Sunglasses by ACNE studios