Self Worth in a World of Tinder / by Didier Young

A few weeks after the end of my previous relationship, I decided that I’ve had enough of moping around and wallowing in something that was long past it’s expiration date. Against the advice of some of my friends, I decided to give in to the modern version of “going to a bar to meet someone”: I downloaded tinder.

While browsing through the extensive catalogue of souls on the app, there was a lot of leftward action and a couple of rights. I rapidly found someone to whom I felt connected to based on our shared interests and things went smoothly over the first three days when we got to learn more about each other. However at the end of the third day, I was told that although I was a great person and that my intellect was valued, this relationship might not proceed any further due to a lack of physical compatibility. Now, please bear in mind that there had been no real life interaction yet at this point and that due to tinder’s policy, the only photos that had been viewed were either linked from Instagram or the ones that we chose to include in our profiles. Without any doubt, I felt crushed.

Why would you use such a dramatic word as “crushed” when it comes to someone you have not even met, Didier? Perhaps, I wasn’t ready to feel rejected once again but I think the answer lies elsewhere. I didn't feel this intense disappointment because there was no future to this encounter but rather the reason behind this abrupt halt to the beginning of a new journey. When you meet someone who doesn't feel an initial attraction to you, it is easy to brush it off and move forward from there on. After all, that person knows nothing of you and the engagement was based solely on a visual level. However, when you are rejected due to your looks after the other person has admitted to liking your character, what does it mean? Does it imply that at the end of the day, outer beauty trumps inner beauty?

I had never felt as ugly as I did at that particular time. In that moment of shallowness, I felt all the self doubts that I used to have about my looks come back to me but I rapidly put myself back together. I was not born to be a beauty queen. I am not tall or defined nor do I have blonde hair with blue eyes. I know that I will not fit in the ridiculous standards of beauty that our global society has set in place. I will never have those things and I have learned to live with that knowledge and to love myself for who I am. Sure, I will always receive such reminders throughout my life that some people will think that I am not enough, but then again those people are not worth keeping in my life.

The moral of that story is that you should never let others shape or define the perception you have about yourself. Always love yourself, know that you are good enough and that no one else has the right to tell you otherwise. Also, that tinder is never really a good idea.

-Didier

 

Jacket: Maison Kitsuné/ Sweatshirt: Acne Studios/ Pants: RW & Co/ Shoes: Louis Vuitton X Fragment/ Glasses: SuperRetroFuture/ Sunglasses: Dior