I woke up one morning, feeling completely numb and unable to move. I remained in bed for a couple of hours, attempting to finally regain control of my limbs and get on with my day-to-day life but it was all in vain. While it has been common for me to be cursed with small occasional depression spells, this was the first time it had ever hit me to such a magnitude. This took place slightly over a week after me and my partner decided to dissolve our two year relationship.
I thought that we were in a relationship based on mutual respect, trust and reason but it turned out that I was wrong on all accounts. I will not cast the blame on my ex as that would be immature of me. To be fair, relationships often fail because of issues in both camps, resulting in white flags laying on the ground and wars ragging across the battlefield. When such issues are unable to come to conclusion, both people involved are both culprits and victims, soldiers and civilians. However there always seems to be a small flicker of hope that we keep in our hearts, that tiny bright orange spot in a burned out ember that still indicates the possibility of a renewed bonfire but alas, I have recently come to the conclusion that I had lost faith and trust and that it would possibly never be earned back. It was at that point that I shed the first tear that became a stream and ultimately turned a torrential downpour. I felt the energy and hurt drain away from my body, slowly being replaced by a sense of calm and serenity. I knew that while my heart was still broken, it was ultimately mendable.
In that moment of despair, I shared my feelings on my Instagram stories, sending out a distress call out there in the deep abyss of the internet and somehow it echoed back. The amount of supportive messages that I received was overwhelming and I cannot thank those people enough. Some of them, friends that I’ve known for a while, and many strangers that I have never talked to who had been following my journey on social media. Over the recent months, I had started losing hope in the social platform, between thinking that people only saw it as a commercial outlet and the dwindling level of engagement that everyone has been experiencing due to the new algorithms. Thank you to everyone who has messaged me and reminded me that Instagram started out as a community and that it is still the loving gathering that embraced me while I first decided to join it two years ago. Thank you for reminding me that when all the evil of the World left Pandora’s box, hope still remained.
As for my personal life, who knows what the futures holds. Perhaps we’ll get back together or I’ll find myself someone who values me even more. Perhaps I will die alone. At the end of the day, it is pointless to dwell on these possible outcomes. Remain focused on the present and try your best to be happy today. Never lose hope as there will always be people out there to support and guide you through the dark, holding your hand until you see the light at the end of the tunnel.